Duke nudged me awake this morning a little before 7 and after feeding him, I couldn't fall back asleep. What in the ?!? I never have that problem. I can usually sleep anywhere, anytime, and constantly yearn for more sleep. But my mind was flitting and my eyes didn't have one bit of heaviness or sleepiness to them. I decided I'd better get up and profit on this early morning quiet time, before the masses awaken.
I got a new camera for Christmas and have not been taking pictures or posting them often enough. Or at all. Shame on me. I must do better. I have baby books which sit empty, books unread, pictures unframed. I am nearing completion of a project I started for the girls before they were born. Now that they're almost 5, I figure it's about time.
Life is changing. It feels like the past few years I have been holding my breath, waiting for the time to pass. Wanting to be in a different situation. I feel like that possibility is on the horizon. Just a little longer...
Taber has passed his tests and is now a nationally-registered paramedic. I asked him the other day if being a paramedic and the one who calls the shots on an ambulance scares him and he said no. I was relieved by his answer (cause, I mean, who would want an insecure paramedic taking care of them?) but not surprised. I have always pictured Taber doing this and being really good at it. He has a cool head, especially in emergencies. I just know that I would be terrified if someone's life was in my hands. I can't believe some of the stories he comes home with. I honestly can't picture myself watching someone die. What would that be like, watching someone exit this existence? I have seen
dead deceased people before, but I think that's a vastly different experience than witnessing something that was once living become unliving.
The other day I was thinking about what a long road it has been to get to this point. The paramedic program itself was only about a year, but getting to that point was what took so long. When we were engaged, Taber said he wanted to be a doctor. A couple of science classes later and he was singing a different tune. Then it was law. Park ranger. Pilot. Professor. Cowboy. International bum (I hear they actually make good money). Needless to say, Taber was indecisive. He just has lots and lots of interests, which I've come to appreciate about him. If we had to do it over again, I'm sure we'd do it differently. But things happened the way they needed to happen to get us where we are.
Having Taber going to school, working full-time, doing clinical hours and internship hours, feeling like a single, pregnant mother...those days and memories are fading. In their place are new memories, ones where Taber is present. Making pancake breakfasts. Picking the girls up from school. Rocking his fussy baby to sleep. We went out to celebrate his latest victory last night and as we were driving in the car, I looked at him, kissed him and told him I was pretty happy. Gotta hold onto moments like those.
The girls started swim classes last week. They are morphing before my eyes, losing their pudginess and baby fat and trading them in for long limbs and attitude and mischief. Oh wait, they've always had the mischief part.
The other day Eliza and I were talking while Izzy was watching something on the computer. I guess she couldn't hear very well, because she turned to us and said, with tone, "Could you take it down a notch?" I had to stop and laugh. The things they say. Isabelle brought home a class picture that was taken recently. When I asked her who her friends were she waved her hand over the whole picture and said, "They are all my friends." Wow. If only adults could be like that.
Duke is such a cute baby. I was nervous during pregnancy when I found out he was a boy that I wouldn't relate to him as well as I did to my girls, just for the fact that he was a boy and different than me. Not the case at all. The relationship is different, but very special. I feel so lucky (some days) to be his mom. He's still waking me up every few hours at night to eat, little stinker. Many people I've talked to have said it's because he's still in our room. Plans are underway to move him out. Eviction notice posted.
He is getting mobile-crawling, scooting, sliding, pulling to stand. He's almost a year old. It's gone faster than it did with the twins. I held a little baby the other day and realized my "baby" is no longer a baby. He has one tooth and one on its way. He weighs 20 lbs. He has so much more hair than his sisters did. When he's happy he does this thing with his hands like he's revving up a motorcycle. He prefers to sleep on his stomach.
Spring is in full bloom here in the sooner state. I LOVE this time of year, where the air is still cool and the trees are blossoming and everything is full of life and possibility and potential. The heat and humidity are still under wraps.
I hurt my back pretty badly (I feel like such an old woman when I say that...) two weeks ago and am finally on the mend. There were times when it felt like I was doomed to stay supine, dependent on others to lift my baby and perform the many other household duties mothers do. I felt so weak, so fragile. I reinjured my back when I was almost better and have been more careful this past week. I was humbled to say the least from this experience. Never will I underestimate the importance of a healthy, fully-functioning body. All parts are needed to make the whole. And a healthy mommy is a good mommy.
My younger brother got married in February. All five of us were able to fly out there (thanks dad!) to join in the celebration. Had a lovely time. The wedding was beautiful. Snow started to fall as we exited the temple. It was February in Idaho-what else would you expect? Mary, Zach's bride, said she prayed for the snow. It made for some fun pictures. It was wonderful to be all together. Every member of the family present. Sitting around in the living room of my dad's apartment, just talking and catching up and joking and laughing. Nothing better. I love my brothers and sister.
Duke and Eliza got ear tubes this month. Isabelle lucked out. It's pretty weird that they didn't both get them. It makes them seem less twin-like, more individuals. We were scheduled to have the surgery in February, but that same morning, Oklahoma got slammed by a huge, record-setting blizzard. 21 inches of snow. Not wanting to get stranded in a car with two kids for who knows how long, I called and told the hospital we would not be coming in. I found out when we went in March that they actually shut the hospital down during the blizzard, the first time in 8 years. I didn't feel so bad for cancelling.
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| Duke in his wedding attire |
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| Eliza bustin' a move |
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| Eliza in recovery |
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| After drinking his "goofy juice" |
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| Eliza and Isabelle at the Y pool |
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| Duke as of last night |
The sky is dark this morning. It's now almost 9:30. The little ones (and big one) are still asleep. Looks like a rainstorm is upon us. My back is achy, reminding me to be careful. It's that way now in the morning. I'm getting older. 30 is drawing closer every day. The girls are so anxious for their next birthday, for the new things they'll get to do (they are dying to ride a school bus) and the presents that await them. I don't dread my birthdays like some people do, but I'm definitely not counting down the days like my little children. Some days I still feel like my 17-year-old self and then I look around, see my three children and credit card bills and health insurance woes and realize somehow in the past few years, I've grown up. Taber and I went to buy tires awhile ago and we both felt like full-fledged adults. Three kids won't do that to you, but buying tires will.
I hear footsteps. Life is awakening. Like the tulips and daffodils. A healthy back. A real job with money left in the bank account after all the bills are paid. Health insurance for all of us, paid for by us. Children who are blossoming before my very eyes. Renewed love and hope.
Here's to taking more pictures. Of waking up early every once in awhile to blog and reflect in the pure quietness of morning. Of going on more walks. Of finishing long overdue projects.
Now how about those pancakes?
